Saturday, January 15, 2011


If you know me, you know I can be "a talker". What you might not know is that I'm even more of a talker in my head. See, in my head there are multiple thoughts and conversations at any given moment. The quieter my environment, usually the more swirling about in this head of mine. Its not that I'm not 100% fully listening, because I am...but I am a woman. Ladies, I trust you understand what I mean. I have a "main conversation" ongoing in my head most days. It handles the schedules of diapers and bottles, potty training and loads of laundry, "who ate and who didn't", "did I take the chicken out to thaw?"...etc. All the normal things that occur daily around here. Those are my "main" thoughts. Then there are what I call the SIDENOTES. These are all the extras...these are often the ones that get me into trouble and take me down loooong bunny trails of thoughts and dilemmas in my mind. I thought I'd write down some of those streams of conciouness today just to get them off  my chest. I spent the afternoon walking in the mall with my kids. And *sidenote* I  had a particularly bad day today so my sidenote thoughts were particularly cynical.

1. At the mall I passed girl after girl who was dressed up. Perfectly picked out outfit, make up done, hair looked styled. Everyone had on boots! (What is that? they are so cute but everyone has them here) But I did think to myself. Isnt it funny what we ladies do? * WE ARE ALL THE SAME* We all want to look good. We want to feel attractive. Most of us give thought to our outfits and some of us try to keep with the trends. BUT, even with our best efforts, its true- we might feel good- but who really looks prettier? How can a pair of skinny jeans, boots and dangling earrings really make you look better?How many of us fall prey to those fashion heads ( whoever they are?) who cast spells on women in America to make us fall in love with the latest trend. I think that whole business is just one big, tricky scheme. I mean, who really wants to go back to sturup pants and shirts with zippers all over them? And the prices! Like I said, its a spell. I'll tell you I hate a style and the next month I'll change my mind and you'll probably see me proudly wearing some brown sturup pants I bought half price- because thats the way I roll. Anyway dont take it the wrong way..I AM NOT JUDGING anyone. I too walked to my car with a new cardigan and a pair of earrings today. And yes, they did make me feel better.

 I think that God made women with an innate desire to be beautiful. ANd I think its a good thing and a fun thing.  But what I'm getting at is...I KNOW THERE ARE BIGGER AND MORE IMPORTANT THINGS...I wonder if girls really knew who they were in Christ and felt their true worth...what would happen to us? Would we need to trendy clothes if we radiated with beauty and joy? Would it crumble the fashion industry? Hollywood? Would more of our money go to the needy? Would less people go hungry? What if we ignored the images of "what we should look like" and appreciate a woman's body  as an amazing and life-giving thing? What would our television shows look like? Magazine articles would have to change. Would anorexia go away? How can we change this? I am pretty sure that people in third world countries, who are worrying about their next meal would be astonished at our priorities. I mean, even here in our own country, we have people who have trouble providing neccesities for their families. What if we changed our viewpoints? How would it rock the world?
With all our extra energy and money, just think of what the women in our world could accomplish!
I know, its a nice thought. Now I'm feeling low...I'll probably go back to NY&;Co and return my new yellow cardigan.

***TOLD YOU they are sidenotes and streams of conciouness**

2.  Sometimes I feel the need to tell people of what I "used to do". My life before kids is still very important to me. When I'm getting to know someone I feel like they need to know of my former life to really know who I am. I used to be a marathoner, a singer, a bible study leader, a teacher. I used to go to wine bars with friends, go to the gym daily and wear bikinis at the beach. I used to love to go to the pool, the mall, coffee with friends, travel and talk on the phone. I still love those things but I can't do any of them easily right now. I used to walk in a store and pick up my size and buy it without trying it on. I used to wear high heels with jeans and dress up at night when going out for dinner. I used to read before going to bed ( ha ha with a headlamp too). I used to keep up with my friends better and do birthdays and christmas gifts on time.Still to this day those things are all me, but, I'm not sure if a new friend would ever see them. My life is all about my kids now and I LOVE IT! But one day, mark my words, I'll get all of that back! So, I might just seem like a frumpy mom of two some days..I just hope people will see past all that! I think they will if they are a mom too.

3. Moms are just trying to survive! Thank you LORD! I've decided we are all just trying our best to get through the day and make it great for our families. Ok- honestly, today, I was trying to keep myself and my kids sane until the dinner/bath/bedtime hour. Most days I think I do well and keep the day moving and things are in order. But today I was almost at my limit all day long. I don't even know why? Maybe because we've been snowed in all week here. So, we went to the mall. Exactly not the place you want to go when you are potty training your toddler and trying to have a nice day. She did great by the way. But it was a hard day...the mall did not help. But as I sat in the middle of the mall playground, swarming with kids too old for the structure, I looked around and noticed that all the moms were just like me. All of them had that look. That tired, coming off the morning coffee buzz, dont really want to be there with 150 other screaming kids but probably dont want to go home either. Some of us knew we were going to have to surrender and buy our kids an Icee at the kiosk next door, some of us were calculating if it was even worth the germ risk to be there. We all had on updated clothes, to make us seem hip and unmotherlike, but most of us had a stain or two, or our jeans were hanging from bending and moving all morning. I'm so glad I'm not alone! At least we understand eachother.So, those are just a few rabbit trails I followed today. I might've talked too much again. But, thats just me I guess.


Callie said...

oh friend! I love you so much and miss you even more! I remember the wine bar days and the bikini days. One day we will get that back. One day! For now though, let's settle for sippy cups and poopy diapers - at least we're in this thing together!!!

Michele Alberto said...

I loved this post... thank you for taking the time to put it down into words! I completely identify with it and have to say I'm curious how many rabbit trails I go down a day, think I might try to keep track of it one of these days just for fun then again it might be scary to actually see it listed out before me.

E and K Wiepert said...

love you so much....keep sharing your thoughts because I am right there with you!!

Anonymous said...

Amen sister! That is th elife of a momma! I do love it, but it is a lot of sacrifice and selflessness.