So, its almost midnight, the kids are asleep and my whole body is aching for rest but here I am..AWAKE..and thinking. So, I thought maybe writing it out would help expel it from my head. See, I rarely get alone time when there isnt squealing, singing, fussing, barking, phones ringing, fox news background noise, electronic toys...etc. The ONLY time I get is a few hours in the evening. So, one of two things commonly happen. 1. I go to sleep and rest and feel wonderful in the morning. BUZZZ! that one rarely happens. or 2. I sit and all the thoughts from the day about my life, my children, my friends, our future, and all the worlds problems swirl around in my brain. Dont get me wrong, I like when it happens because I feel all my creative juices coming alive and I remember that I have more gifts in me rather than being a great mom. Thats when I get my best ideas and when I'm inspired.
So, tonight, these are my thoughts.
- I LOVE being a mom. I always knew I would, I always wanted to become a mother and stay home with my children. But until Taylor was born, I didnt realize how fulfilling it is to my life. I am so amazed that the Lord God entrusted these children to me and I get to be their mother! I got to carry them and help to give them life! I get to watch their bodies grow and witness their development- the walking, the talking, the learning of all the things they encounter. Its almost too much for my head! Its like such a wonderfully hard and wonderful job. Each day is hard and my patience is tested, but in the same day I always have several unforgettable moments, and build precious memories with my kids.
Some days it does feel monotonous- the diapers and the feedings and the tantrums and the LAUNDRY but at the end of the day- when the house is fast asleep- I know with my whole heart that I would never have wished this day any different. I never want to miss a moment of their lives- even the boring and monotonous ones- even the diapers and tantrums. I am greedy for time.
Speaking of the house being asleep. My husband is a wonderful dad! He really is! However wonderful, we all know men do not possess that batlike sense of hearing that we moms develop the second we give birth. Its a sixth sense. I just know when they are awake...and because I'm weird, I cannot sleep until they are both fast asleep again.
Mark and I joke that I am a night creeper. I'm up all night with the kids when they wake up and cry or need a bottle. But you can also find me tip toeing around the house multiple times a night checking on them. I can be found tucking and re-tucking them into their blankets, rescuing pacifiers and bunnies from the floor, praying over them, making sure the room isnt drafty, just generally making sure that everyone is peacefully asleep. I know my obession is robbing me of my own rest - and I think I should turn down the monitors and just go to bed...but then again I dont want to miss a thing- not even a moment. It makes for a tired mommy though- but then I think Sleep is for the birds anyway.